> how do i get my childhood best friend who only sees me as a friend but loves to stare at my elbows actually want to sleep with me????
> that pink haired girl
Dear Pink Haired Girl,
If he's staring at your "elbows" that much, either you have really interesting elbows or he doesn't see you as the friend you think he does. It wouldn't hurt to have a healer take a look if you have any weird moles on your elbows, just to be on the safe side, but assuming everything is normal, you're going to have to get more forceful.
You're going to have to do something incredibly reckless and dangerous to get his attention: have a conversation.
I know! It's probably outside your comfort zone or you'd have done it already! But you have to turn your inside voice into an outside voice. It's probably not going to be an easy conversation, because I get the feeling he's avoiding it too. Maybe start by tying him to a chair so he can't escape, and then get sexy and emotionally vulnerable with him while he's trapped.
Good luck getting the words out,
Sex God
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> my gf dosnt like my double corn memes
> ur mom
Dear CiaranMom,
This isn't a question, but I'm going to answer it anyway.
Sometimes you and your partner are going to have different preferences, different tastes, different kinks. And that's okay! That's normal. The odds you'll find a partner whose kinks perfectly match yours out the gate is lower than your odds of getting a dragon to bond with you by showing up to threshing in sequined booty shorts.
Maybe your girlfriend isn't into corn cobs. That means you have to make a decision. What matters more to you? Her? Or that sweet, buttery corn?
This isn't a trick question. I know we're all taught that love is supposed to matter the most and if you really love somebody you'll overcome anything, and sex is shallow. But that's a lie sold to us by Big Monogamy and the Wedding Industrial Complex. Maybe you really love your girlfriend a lot and you're happy keeping the kernels in your fantasies. Maybe you don't have a fulfilling sex life unless you're with someone willing to shuck your corn. It actually doesn't matter which of those things is true, just that you think about it and you figure it out.
And if you love the perfect ear more than you love your girlfriend, then she's not the right one for you. There's nothing wrong with wanted to be with someone who encourages or even shares your kinks.
Good luck in the corn maze,
Sex God
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> Are dragons off limits?
> A curious scribe
Dear Curious,
Since you're a scribe, I'll start with a book recommendation: Fifty Shades of Green, or A Study of the Mating Habits of Green Dragons by Basgiath's own Professor Kaori. It's definitely edifying. Turns out male dragons have two cocks! Anyway, I figured I should get an expert to weigh in on this topic, so please welcome… my dragon!
Hello, curious scribe. I didn't know there were humans who were into that. But I didn't want to leave my rider hanging for my advice debut, so I did a quick survey of other dragons who didn't leave faster than I could pester them with my question and so I'm pretty sure this counts as scientific results by human standards.
All of the oranges said they'd eat you except for the one who tried to bite me. One of the browns looked kind of thoughtful so maybe she'd be into it but the other two both said snack so your odds aren't great. The red declined to answer and I think was blushing but don't tell him I said that. The greens basically agreed they're not paying enough attention to hear someone who isn't their rider asking question anyway.
I didn't ask Tairn or Sgaeyl because I like having my scales stay where they are! But in summary, maybe, if you're a rider, you could ask your dragon if they're into it, but otherwise, the odds are really not in your favor. Sorry!
Well, there you have it, Curious. I think your best bet is to find a partner who's into roleplaying and maybe an imaginatively-shaped dildo. But if you decide not to take my advice, well, it wouldn't be the most embarrassing death by dragon- or the worst way to get turned down- that I've ever heard of.
Good luck getting the dress up wings made,
Sex God
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> why won't you come to bed??? i'm bored and i miss youuuuuuu
> you know who i am
Readers, that means it's time for me to sign off! Til next time, stay out of the corn and the Vale, okay? And if you've got questions of your own, feel free to submit them!